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citizenjournal

citizenjournal

  • Joined: Thursday, October 2nd, 2025
  • Articles: 219

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EPL Club To Appoint First AI Head Coach
RELEGATION FEARS PROMPT RADICAL DECISION

EPL Club To Appoint First AI Head Coach

A decision that has been labelled “brave” and “groundbreaking” by experts has been taken by the chairman of an established Premier League club, whose future in the top league has come under severe threat after one of the worst starts to a season ever seen.

David Sullivan, chairman of the West Ham United FC board and largest shareholder, has made the decision, according to insiders, after becoming increasingly disillusioned by the performance of the human coaches he has hired and fired in the last couple of years, and has been quoted as remarking that ‘my son and I can win the Champions League with the club when we play Football Manager 24, while winning the Euros and the World Cup with England at the same time, so I’m going to try an AI coach’.

School Demands Parents Pay For Their Own Kids Art

School Demands Parents Pay For Their Own Kids Art

A Kindergarten and Preschool in Brisbane facing financial difficulties sent emails to pupil’s parents requesting AU$2,200 for their preschoolers’ artwork portfolio, with the kids only aged up to 5. The centre’s volunteer management committee sent the email to help pay off its mounting debt owed to staff and keep the preschool afloat. The one-man committee…

Clutching At Straws

Clutching At Straws

It is only since the mid-19th century that we have been clutching at straws. Even more recently, the ‘grasp at straws’ version has become commonplace, especially in the USA. Prior to that, desperate people would ‘catch at a straw’. That usage of ‘catch’ was commonly used in medieval England, by which was meant ‘obtain/achieve’; for…

Your Horoscopes

Your Horoscopes

Aries | March 21 to April 19

Your ideas about the afterlife are proven wrong when you are killed in a bus crash and spend eternity reliving Truck Month at your local car dealer.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Your worth is finally proven when firefighters burst into your blazing apartment and save your sticker collection, leaving you to die.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Do not let yourself become known in your community as the one who dresses up in a monkey suit and climbs the water tower.

Cancer | June 21 to July 22

Embarrassment will be your lot this week when, on your way to the patent office, you learn that someone has already invented a “crotch-less” panty.