Neville Goes Nuts
STALKING SUPERMARKETS IN SEARCH OF UNWANTED FLAGS
Following his unhinged rant blaming an appalling attack by a Syrian-born man on “angry, middle-aged white men” and the UK flag, former Manchester United and England footballer, Gary Neville, has reportedly not only removed actual flags from his properties, but has now gone on a rampage to remove anything connected to the UK and England anywhere he sees it.
His lesser known brother, Phil, has apparently disowned him, and banned him from any of his properties, particularly the one where he keeps his prized collection of Union Flag emblazoned Mini Coopers, while other friends and family are said to be deeply concerned. Other reports suggest that Neville has burned his own England caps and shirts, and completely ruined his home by removing any mention of the United Kingdom or England from it.
One friend said, “Gaz has gone completely nuts! He has thrown out all his Anchor butter and Shredded Wheat, and he made a bonfire from all his Reebok gear in the back garden – the fire brigade had to come and put that out. We are all worried about what is going to happen the next time he goes shopping. The last time I was there he was crawling round the house with a magnifying glass looking for any sign of Britishness.”.
Harrods are apparently considering barring him from their stores, while Morrisons issued a brief statement saying that they had circulated Neville’s photo to all of their security staff, with strict instructions to prevent him entering their shops. The BBC have also put a 24 hour guard on all their signs that have the word “British” on them.
The Hawaiian State Flag
Several countries and other territories have instigated a travel ban against Neville to prevent the possibility of him defacing their flags, with the most well known being Australia and New Zealand, but three Canadian provinces and the US State of Hawaii have also joined the list, although it is thought that Hawaii have done so because they are all Liverpool fans.
A spokesman for Neville’s employers, Sky Sports, dismissed reports that they were considering changing their logo due to his actions, but did say that they were always going to change the colours anyway from red, white and blue, so “now was as good a time as any”. The Royal Guard at Buckingham Palace, and police at the Houses of Parliament were not prepared to comment.
Image: Gary Neville in a funny hat (Attribution – University of Salford Press Office, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons)
