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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
If the full joke doesn’t show, please click the title to see it (opens in a new page/tab)
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Sunday Giggle: Annie’s Honest Answer About Being Quiet in Church
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” Annie replied, “Because people are sleeping.”.
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Weekend Giggle: Harry’s Wife Just Won’t Stop “Helping” During His Traffic Stop
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place . . . The man says, ‘What’s the problem, Officer?’ Officer: ‘You were going at least 80 in a 60-zone.’ Man: ‘No Sir, I was going 60.’ Wife: ‘Oh, Harry, you were going 80.’ (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: ‘I’m also going to…
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Monday Giggle: Should Computers Be “He” or “She”? A Retired Sailor’s Dilemma
A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about computing. Being a sailor, he was used to addressing his ships as “She” or “Her”. But was unsure what was proper for computers. To solve his dilemma, he set up two groups of computer experts: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to…
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Saturday Giggle: A Sneaky Trap and a Very Suspicious Alibi
Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap! “That wife of mine is a liar,” said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. “How do you know?” the friend asked. “She didn’t come home last night, and when I asked her where she’d been, she said she’d spent the night with her sister, Shirley.” “So?”.
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Sunday Joke: A flight attendant watched a passenger in need
A flight attendant for a major airline watched one day as a passenger, overloaded with bags, tried to stuff his belongings into the overhead locker. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the over-sized luggage. “When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this problem.” The flight attendant smiled politely and answered: “When you fly other airlines, I don’t have…
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Einstein’s clever driver has the perfect answer to a tricky question
One day, Einstein had to speak at an important science conference. On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!” The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the…


