Your HoroscopescitizenjournalMonday, April 20th, 2026Horoscopes Aries | March 21 to April 19 An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20 Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest. Gemini | May 21 to June 20 The universal redshift indicates that the stars are flying away from us at astounding velocities. Perhaps it is more accurate to say “from you.” Cancer | June 21 to July 22 Venus rising in your sign sounds like a welcome harbinger of romantic good tidings, but the zodiac assures you it’s merely decorative. Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22 Somehow, it just seems unfair that several famous people will make hundreds of dollars after picking you in next week’s Mundane Individual Dead Pool. Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22 The largest meteorite ever to hit a person was about 45 pounds, making you a posthumous shoo-in for the record next Wednesday. Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22 You’ve never claimed to be a genius, but you have a nagging suspicion that you should have known sheets could be changed. Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21 Your drug experimentation enters an exciting new phase when you find one that makes the throbbing pain in your head subside almost completely. Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21 You will find precious little to live for now that the age of the extended synthesizer jam is well and truly over. Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19 You can’t understand why people keep telling you they’re tired of your act. Why, the costume changes alone are nothing short of breathtaking. Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 The stars are tired of politely nodding when you say you’re single because you’re “too picky.” Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 They say God never gives us more than we can handle, which must mean He knows a way you can handle a swarm of hyper-aggressive bees. Main Image by Quique from Pixabay Zodiac Images by Alexa from Pixabay Share in your network: Related Posts Your HoroscopesThursday, January 15th, 2026 Your HoroscopesWednesday, December 17th, 2025 Your HoroscopesThursday, December 4th, 2025