AWOL

I hired a lawyer to sue the airlines for mishandling my luggage. He lost the case. Vegetarians think eating animals is immoral But eating mushrooms is morel How do you make an eggroll? You push it! What day do eggs hate the most? Fry-day How do eggs run so fast? They’re afraid of being beaten...

A man brings his Chihuahua to the vet. They’re immediately taken to a room. Soon, a Labrador walks in sniffs the Chihuahua, and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the dog, and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine, and hands the man a $250 bill. “This must be a mistake,”...

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A termite walks into a bar and asks– Is the bar tender here? What do you call a caveman’s fart? A blast from the past. I was having a bad day, and my friend said, ‘At least you’re not stuck in a hole in the ground full of water.’ I knew he meant well. A...