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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The universal redshift indicates that the stars are flying away from us at astounding velocities. Perhaps it is more accurate to say “from you.” Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Venus rising in your sign sounds like a welcome harbinger of romantic good tidings, but the zodiac assures you it’s merely decorative.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The stars are peeved that you didn’t renew your subscription to Sky & Telescope magazine, so expect a fat, painful cyst on your ass. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Take comfort that your funeral next Friday will set attendance records at Radio City Music Hall, as all of New York celebrates. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
You run afoul of the school board this week when you refuse to answer its questions about the space-heaters installed in your children’s lungs. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Despite repeated sacrifices to Venus, no loss of virginity is scheduled for you this week.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
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Nine Easter jokes to make you want more chocolate
Easter is a time for chocolate, long weekends, and the annual mystery of how eggs – and somehow a bunny – became the stars of the show. It’s wholesome, it’s sweet, and it’s just strange enough to be perfect comedy material. So whether you’re here for the dad jokes, the chocolate puns, or a few cheeky cracks about the Easter Bunny’s workload, these jokes are egg-actly what you need.
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Seven jokes about petrol prices you just have to laugh at
Petrol prices have reached the point where filling up feels less like a routine stop and more like a financial decision that requires a moment of silent reflection. Every trip to the pump now comes with a deep sigh, a quick mental budget recalculation, and the faint hope the numbers might somehow stop climbing. So if you can’t beat the prices, you might as well laugh at them –.
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Heavenly timing: 3 prayer jokes with wicked twists
There’s something about bedtime prayers that feels sweet, innocent and wholesome … until the punchline lands. If you enjoy classic joke-telling with a clever twist at the end, these three prayer-themed gags will have you chuckling – and maybe keeping an ear out next time someone says “goodbye” during grace. One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers: “God bless Mommy…
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8 Short Jokes About Absolutely Random Things (Because We All Need a Laugh)
Not every collection of jokes needs a theme. Sometimes the funniest moments come from life’s random observations – the little absurdities we all recognise but rarely say out loud. From everyday habits to unexpected twists, a quick joke can turn an ordinary moment into something worth chuckling about. So if you’ve got a spare minute and could use a smile, here are eight short jokes about…
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6 light-hearted prison jokes that prove laughter can be found anywhere
Prison isn’t usually a topic associated with humour. It’s a serious subject, and for many people, a difficult one. But sometimes, comedy finds its way into even the most unlikely settings. Wordplay, misunderstandings and clever punchlines can take the edge off heavier themes – without making light of real-life hardship. Here are six classic, harmless prison-themed jokes that rely more on wit…
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15 short jokes to cheer you up
There’s something about rainy days that makes everything feel a little slower. The washing won’t dry, the dog refuses to go outside, and even the kettle seems to take longer to boil. But if we can’t control the weather, we can at least improve our mood. So while the rain taps on the windows and the sky stays stubbornly grey, here are 15 short jokes to lift your spirits. They’re quick…