A patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of a recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum. “I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “I think it’s the drinking.” “Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”.
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A father realised his 10-year-old son had been watching too many reality TV shows the day they attended a relative’s wedding. As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, the boy turned to his father and asked: “Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?”…
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A cat dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all these years. You can have anything you desire, all you have to do is ask.” “Well,” says the cat, “I lived all my life on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.” “Say no more,” says God and instantly a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to…
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On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and…
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A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and…
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A little boy gets a toy plane. The boy loves his plane so much, flying it all over the house. One day, he is in the living room playing with his plane while his mum is in the kitchen washing the dishes. She overhears the boy playing with his plane. “Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you f***** people want to get on, get on. All you f****** people want to get off, get off,” he says. Angry…
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