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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The universal redshift indicates that the stars are flying away from us at astounding velocities. Perhaps it is more accurate to say “from you.” Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Venus rising in your sign sounds like a welcome harbinger of romantic good tidings, but the zodiac assures you it’s merely decorative.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The stars are peeved that you didn’t renew your subscription to Sky & Telescope magazine, so expect a fat, painful cyst on your ass. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Take comfort that your funeral next Friday will set attendance records at Radio City Music Hall, as all of New York celebrates. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
You run afoul of the school board this week when you refuse to answer its questions about the space-heaters installed in your children’s lungs. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Despite repeated sacrifices to Venus, no loss of virginity is scheduled for you this week.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
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These baby jokes are cute, clever and completely harmless – we think
Babies bring joy, sleepless nights and, as it turns out, some surprisingly good punchlines. These five jokes cover everything from military strategy to wet nappies, a very patient father with a tin of strained peas, and a nurse with diplomatic skills that would impress the United Nations. The last one about the stork is either genius or terrible – possibly both. Either way…
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These jokes about wills and inheritance are painfully, perfectly true
If you have ever sat in a solicitor’s office, had a family conversation that took an unexpected turn, or simply watched siblings transform at the mere mention of who gets what, these jokes are for you. From the elderly gentleman with his new hearing aids and very flexible will, to the one-liner that belongs on more headstones than you would expect, this is the funny side of one of life’.
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If You Love a Good Pun, These Wordplay Jokes Are for You
There’s something uniquely satisfying about a good play on words. It’s clever, a little unexpected, and often just groan-worthy enough to make you laugh anyway. From classic puns to quick one-liners, these jokes prove that sometimes the simplest wordplay delivers the biggest laughs — or at least a well-earned eye roll. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
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Parking Problems? These Jokes Will Make You Feel Better About Your Skills
Parking is one of those everyday challenges that somehow never gets easier. Whether it’s squeezing into a tight spot, second-guessing your angle, or walking away hoping for the best, we’ve all had our moments. The good news? If your parking isn’t perfect, you’re definitely not alone — and these jokes prove it. From cheeky notes on windscreens to workplace “motivation,” here are a few that might…
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Nine Easter jokes to make you want more chocolate
Easter is a time for chocolate, long weekends, and the annual mystery of how eggs – and somehow a bunny – became the stars of the show. It’s wholesome, it’s sweet, and it’s just strange enough to be perfect comedy material. So whether you’re here for the dad jokes, the chocolate puns, or a few cheeky cracks about the Easter Bunny’s workload, these jokes are egg-actly what you need.
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Seven jokes about petrol prices you just have to laugh at
Petrol prices have reached the point where filling up feels less like a routine stop and more like a financial decision that requires a moment of silent reflection. Every trip to the pump now comes with a deep sigh, a quick mental budget recalculation, and the faint hope the numbers might somehow stop climbing. So if you can’t beat the prices, you might as well laugh at them –.