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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The universal redshift indicates that the stars are flying away from us at astounding velocities. Perhaps it is more accurate to say “from you.” Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Venus rising in your sign sounds like a welcome harbinger of romantic good tidings, but the zodiac assures you it’s merely decorative.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The stars are peeved that you didn’t renew your subscription to Sky & Telescope magazine, so expect a fat, painful cyst on your ass. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Take comfort that your funeral next Friday will set attendance records at Radio City Music Hall, as all of New York celebrates. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
You run afoul of the school board this week when you refuse to answer its questions about the space-heaters installed in your children’s lungs. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Despite repeated sacrifices to Venus, no loss of virginity is scheduled for you this week.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
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2 cheeky jokes guaranteed to deliver a laugh today
From awkward misunderstandings to unexpected punchlines, these two cheeky jokes are sure to brighten your day and leave you laughing. A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, “Mom, what’s sex?” His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
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Buckle up: the car jokes that will have you laughing all the way to the garage
Whether you’re stuck in traffic, overdue for a service or still not quite sure what to do in a roundabout, these six car jokes are guaranteed to make the journey a little more enjoyable. Proceed with caution – groaning is perfectly normal. Ditzy friend to another: “I failed the driving test. I entered the traffic circle and the sign said ’30 mph’ so I drove 30 times…
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5 Wedding Ring Jokes That Might Be a Little Too Close to Home
Marriage comes with its fair share of memorable moments — some heartfelt, some challenging, and some best laughed about later. These wedding ring jokes take a light-hearted look at relationships, commitment, and the little ironies that can come with married life. A bit cheeky and slightly irreverent, they’re perfect for sharing with friends who appreciate humour that’s just a touch on the honest…
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Nine high-voltage energy gags to brighten your day
Ready to get amped up? Energy is the hot topic worldwide at the moment and as it’s mostly bad news, we’ve sparked a few jokes that will shock you into a laugh. Whether you’re switched on to science or just looking for a light-hearted charge, plug in and enjoy a collection of jokes guaranteed to generate some serious watt-age in the giggle department. From bright sparks and flowing…
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Eight Sunday jokes to share with the family
Sundays are for slowing down… unless you have grandchildren. Then they’re for stepping on Lego, negotiating screen time like a hostage situation, and wondering how a “quick trip to the park” somehow required three snacks, two costume changes and a full emotional breakdown. Welcome to our collection of funny Sunday family activity jokes — because if you can’t get peace and quiet, you might as well…
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Step right up! Seven circus jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
The circus has always been about big laughs, colourful characters and a little bit of silliness. From clowns and ringmasters to daring acrobats and mischievous animals, the circus world is full of comic possibilities. If you’re in the mood for a quick chuckle, these circus jokes might just have you laughing louder than the crowd under the big top. I have just been offered a job as a clown.