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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The universal redshift indicates that the stars are flying away from us at astounding velocities. Perhaps it is more accurate to say “from you.” Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Venus rising in your sign sounds like a welcome harbinger of romantic good tidings, but the zodiac assures you it’s merely decorative.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The stars are peeved that you didn’t renew your subscription to Sky & Telescope magazine, so expect a fat, painful cyst on your ass. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Take comfort that your funeral next Friday will set attendance records at Radio City Music Hall, as all of New York celebrates. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
You run afoul of the school board this week when you refuse to answer its questions about the space-heaters installed in your children’s lungs. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Despite repeated sacrifices to Venus, no loss of virginity is scheduled for you this week.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
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Step right up! Seven circus jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
The circus has always been about big laughs, colourful characters and a little bit of silliness. From clowns and ringmasters to daring acrobats and mischievous animals, the circus world is full of comic possibilities. If you’re in the mood for a quick chuckle, these circus jokes might just have you laughing louder than the crowd under the big top. I have just been offered a job as a clown.
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Five clever jokes that will make you laugh … or groan
Sometimes the best jokes are the ones that make you laugh and groan at the same time. Wordplay, puns and silly twists have been making people smile for generations, and these five quick jokes are perfect for a light-hearted break in your day. See which one gets the biggest laugh. Did you hear about the wig thief who escaped from prison? Police are combing the area to find him. I wondered why the…
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7 jokes about musicians and music
Musicians are talented, passionate and often completely convinced the rest of us just don’t get them. From endless tuning to dramatic silences before playing a single note, they provide plenty of material – and these jokes are offered with affection, not malice. Think of them as a gentle reminder that even the most gifted performer can still be teased. Two windmills are standing in a field.
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Six hilarious tradie jokes that will give you a good belly laugh
There’s something about tradies that makes them perfect material for a good laugh – maybe it’s the early mornings, the straight shooting, or the fact that every job seems to come with a story. Whether you’ve got a sparkie in the family, know a chippie who loves to yarn, or simply appreciate the hardworking characters who keep Australia running, these light-hearted jokes are guaranteed to…
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7 yoga jokes that will have you laughing (even if you can’t touch your toes)
Yoga is meant to calm the mind, strengthen the body and bring a sense of balance – but let’s be honest, it can also be unintentionally hilarious. From poses we think we’re nailing to the gentle groans that accompany getting up off the mat, yoga gives us plenty to laugh about. Whether you’re a seasoned yogi or someone who considers “resting pose” a personal achievement, these seven yoga jokes…
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Five Cat jokes that perfectly capture why cats are so hilariously aloof
Cat lovers will tell you that living with a cat is less about ownership and more about acceptance — acceptance that you exist purely for their comfort and amusement. Cats have a unique way of making us feel adored… right up until they don’t. These jokes perfectly sum up the mysterious, occasionally brutal, and endlessly funny relationship humans have with their feline companions.