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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
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Five clever jokes that will make you laugh … or groan
Sometimes the best jokes are the ones that make you laugh and groan at the same time. Wordplay, puns and silly twists have been making people smile for generations, and these five quick jokes are perfect for a light-hearted break in your day. See which one gets the biggest laugh. Did you hear about the wig thief who escaped from prison? Police are combing the area to find him. I wondered why the…
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Three classic lawyer jokes that will have you laughing out loud
Lawyers have been the subject of jokes for generations — and for good reason. Their reputation for long hours, detailed time sheets and clever arguments has inspired some truly memorable punchlines over the years. From heavenly accounting errors to unexpected train journeys, these classic lawyer jokes prove that a little courtroom humour can go a long way. If you enjoy a good laugh…
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Three classic Aussie jokes guaranteed to give you a laugh
There’s nothing like a good Aussie laugh to brighten the day, and these three cheeky jokes deliver classic down-under humour with a clever twist. From genius kangaroos to koalas with “koalifications” and a meringue gag that every Australian will get, here’s a quick dose of fun to make you smile. Q: What do you call a kangaroo that is a dead set genius? A: A quantum leap. Q: When is a bear not a…
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Dave Allen: The comedy legend behind this timeless Nun-and-Drunk joke
Irish comedian Dave Allen was one of the great masters of observational and irreverent humour, famous for his calm delivery, razor-sharp wit and a mischievous glint that let audiences know they were in for something clever. From the 1960s through the 1990s, Allen became a household name in Australia, the UK and beyond, with millions tuning in to his TV shows, stand-up specials and famously cheeky…
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Sunday Joke: You snooze …
I told my family I was going to be productive this Sunday. They laughed so hard they nearly woke me from my nap.
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Daily Joke: An old man goes into the jeweller …
An older, white haired man walked into a jewellry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young lady at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5000 ring. The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.” At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another…


