Brought to you by
Choice of Easy, Medium, or Hard Sudoku for your entertainment (or frustration!). Finish the puzzle and click ‘New Game’ or refresh the page to load new puzzles, or come back tomorrow!
A new crossword every day!
The classic game of patience
Read the Klondike (Turn Three) rules if you’re new to playing Solitaire
Fancy yourself as a chess master? Try out our daily chess puzzle!
Brought to you by
-
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The universal redshift indicates that the stars are flying away from us at astounding velocities. Perhaps it is more accurate to say “from you.” Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Venus rising in your sign sounds like a welcome harbinger of romantic good tidings, but the zodiac assures you it’s merely decorative.
-
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
The stars are peeved that you didn’t renew your subscription to Sky & Telescope magazine, so expect a fat, painful cyst on your ass. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Take comfort that your funeral next Friday will set attendance records at Radio City Music Hall, as all of New York celebrates. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your HoroscopesAries | March 21 to April 19
The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20
The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing. (more…)Gemini | May 21 to June 20
You run afoul of the school board this week when you refuse to answer its questions about the space-heaters installed in your children’s lungs. Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Despite repeated sacrifices to Venus, no loss of virginity is scheduled for you this week.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
If the full joke doesn’t show, please click the title to see it (opens in a new page/tab)
-
Nine of the Best Dad Jokes we’ve heard so far this year (Yes, it’s only January)
Groan-worthy, eye-rolling and secretly funny — these are nine of the best dad jokes we’ve heard so far this year, and January isn’t even over yet. What has more lives than a cat? A frog, they croak every night. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop. A ham sandwich walks into…
-
A very short joke with surprisingly long laughter
They say the best jokes don’t need a long setup – just the right punchline. This one is over almost before it begins, but don’t be fooled by its size. It’s the kind of joke that sneaks up on you, then hangs around far longer than expected, refusing to let go of the laugh. Q: Why do men prefer intelligent women? A: Opposites attract.
-
Daily Joke: A mosquito takes to the skies
It was a baby mosquito’s first day flying out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, “How was your journey?” The baby mosquito replied, “It went great, everyone was clapping for me!”…
Source -
Daily Joke: A man buys his girlfriend a special gift
A young man wanted to purchase a very special gift for his new girlfriend. They hadn’t been dating for very long and he wanted to get her the perfect present. After giving it a lot of thought, he decided to get her a new pair of gloves. He went to the store with his sister, who happened to be buying a new pair of panties at the same time. They went to the same check-out and the man behind the…
Source -
Daily Joke: Life, Explained
On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and…
Source -
Daily Joke: A cat in heaven
A cat dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You have been a good cat all these years. You can have anything you desire, all you have to do is ask.” “Well,” says the cat, “I lived all my life on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.” “Say no more,” says God and instantly a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to…
Source