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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
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Five hilarious proposal jokes that prove romance doesn’t always go to plan
Proposals are meant to be romantic, heartfelt and unforgettable – but sometimes they’re unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. From popped balloons and forgotten “yeses” to family surprises no one saw coming, these five proposal jokes remind us that love is rarely tidy… and often very funny. If you enjoy a laugh about romance, marriage and the quirks of long-term relationships…
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7 political jokes that prove laughter might be the only thing we all agree on
Politics can divide families, ruin dinner parties and make otherwise sensible people shout at the television. But every now and then, it also delivers something we can all enjoy – a good laugh. From campaign promises to parliamentary behaviour, there’s no shortage of material. So in the interest of national unity (or at least a shared chuckle), here are seven politics jokes guaranteed to…
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Daily Joke: A man finds himself in trouble
A man finds himself in trouble. His business has gone bankrupt and he has lost all of his money. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into his local church and begins to pray. “Oh God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t find some money soon I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.”.
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Daily Joke: Two friends were out golfing
Two friends were out golfing, one was seasoned while the other was a very fresh beginner. They met up on the course and the seasoned golfer asked: “What was your score?” “72,” replied the beginner quietly. “My my, ” the seasoned golfer said proudly. “That’s really good.” “It’s not bad, I guess…” the beginner said. “.
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Daily Joke: A woman dies and goes to heaven
A woman has a heart attack. Sadly she dies and goes to heaven, where she comes face to face with God. “Am I dying?” she asks him. “No,” God replies. “You will live for another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days.” Instantly she snaps back to life and, after her near-death experience, vows to make the most of her life. She changes the colour of her hair…
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Daily Joke: Pete and Mick were in court
Pete and Mick were in court and standing before the judge. “Why can’t this case be settled out of court?” the judge asked. Pete looked up at the judge and said: “That’s what we were trying to do, your honour, when the police interfered.”.
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