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The classic game of patience
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
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10 Dad jokes to put some sun into Sunday!
There’s nothing quite like a classic dad joke – the kind that makes you groan first and laugh second. Whether you’ve heard a few of these before or they’re brand new to you, we hope at least one of the 10 below brings a smile to your face today. 1. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates. 2. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
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3 Dentist jokes to make your next check-up less painful
It’s time for my annual trip to the dentist – the one appointment I never look forward to, but always survive. So while we brace ourselves for the reclining chair and the tiny mirror of doom, here are a few dentist jokes to lighten the mood. Hopefully one makes you smile! What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics! What award did the dentist win? A little plaque. Patient:


