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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

An in-depth study will reveal that, contrary to popular belief, bedbugs are great and you are the problem. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Nothing of note will happen to you this week, as the dozens of people you’ll tell about it will be able to attest.
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Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

Your triumphant exit from the worst job you’ve ever had is spoiled when a wino drenches you in flammable vodka vomit and sets you on fire with a menthol cigarette. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You are a person of uncommon vision. No matter who attempts to dissuade you, hold fast to your belief that your genitals are cramped and need to roam free. -
Your Horoscopes
Read more: Your Horoscopes(more…)Aries | March 21 to April 19

The mystery of your parentage will be solved this week when General Motors recalls you and 20,000 of your brothers and sisters. Taurus | April 20 to May 20

The twin spectres of confusion and bankruptcy haunt your life when Robert Duvall confronts you with a prenuptial contract you do not remember signing.
AREA 555 (HA HA HA!)
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Five Cat jokes that perfectly capture why cats are so hilariously aloof
Cat lovers will tell you that living with a cat is less about ownership and more about acceptance — acceptance that you exist purely for their comfort and amusement. Cats have a unique way of making us feel adored… right up until they don’t. These jokes perfectly sum up the mysterious, occasionally brutal, and endlessly funny relationship humans have with their feline companions.
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8 classic Bill Bailey jokes that capture his brilliantly odd humour
Bill Bailey has a talent for turning everyday moments into wonderfully absurd observations, blending music, whimsy and a touch of chaos into jokes that leave audiences howling. Whether he’s riffing on the strange poetry of English life or poking fun at the quirks of modern technology, Bailey’s humour is unmistakably his own. Here are three jokes that perfectly capture the surreal, clever…


